...with Metroid Hunters online. I might log back on for the ongoing tournament, but the game's frankly broken. I'm tired of playing only against Sylux because people use him to grab the deathalt first, or stay in his alt form the entire time. I'm tired of playing Combat Hall, where people exploit map glitches to snipe at me from the other side of the walls. And I'm sick of losing ranking points because people simply disconnect when I manage to get ahead.
The number of bugs left in the game code is pretty remarkable, honestly. Besides the map problems and the holes in the scripting system, there's also an error that lets Noxus use his freeze special from halfway across the map. It's just lazy programming, and it's a little unbelievable that they really thought they could put something with so many problems out on the Internet, drop it into a seething community of kids with too much time, and expect that it would remain playable.
Out of twenty or thirty matches tonight, probably half of them simply disconnected when they weren't winning. Most of the rest were breaking the game one way or the other--or they disconnected after using exploits because it became clear that (apart from the cheats) they weren't any good.
A lot of people are probably familiar with the David Sirlin "scrubs" article, which argues that there are no cheap ways to play a videogame, and you should do whatever it takes to win. According to that philosophy, the kids who are ruining my Metroid experience are just better than I am, and I should just suck it up. Hey, more power to people who feel that way. I can sympathize--I'm not that good. But let's be clear: I'm a working professional who holds down a second writing job. I have a life and a couple of crazy hobbies. I really don't have time to learn the countermoves to each of these exploits--and I don't really think I should have to. I just want to enjoy playing the game. Right now that's not possible.
Nintendo's got a pretty crappy track record with this so far. Mario Kart turned into a Snaking competition after only a month. Metroid managed to make it three months. In both cases, they don't seem to have tested their product enough, and they didn't build the architecture necessary to keep them moderated. For most companies, that wouldn't matter. But if Nintendo is serious about being the company that brings in new people to gaming, they can't let this keep happening to their online offerings. Because I guarantee you, as little tolerance as I have for people being jerks online, the average casual gamer is a lot less willing to deal.
So I'm done. Anyone who wants to meet up for a friends match online, I'd love to hear about it. But I'm not going to frustrate myself playing random matches anymore. I've got better things to do.
Every now and then I reluctantly dip a toe into the GameFAQs Message Board for Metroid Hunters. I say reluctantly because it's a seething hive of vicious junior high students in there, and the air is thick with ignorance and bile. But I persist because I am the only one who cares about you. And that's why I can mention this little tidbit: over the weekend, the kids figured out a glitch in the nickname code. Using the % character, followed by random characters, produces random strings of code with the possibility of crashing and corrupting not only your game, but likewise anyone who connects to you and sees the nickname. The message board monsters were mystified. Having a bit more background in coding, it sounds like a kind of memory leak to me, where using % is somehow directing a pointer to another place in the ROM. I'm guessing this because people not only get random gibberish, but also strings from the game like "Alt Form: Halfturret."
It's a Bad Thing, and Nintendo almost immediately fixed it by banning anyone from logging on if their nickname contains the bug-inducing character. So you are safe for now. Regardless, I don't want to fear-monger, but let's point out once again that the Internet is a wild place, and increasingly consoles are connected to it. It's not like games self-select for a mature and considerate population.
So there's this Spring Tournament of Bloggers thing, where a bunch of people (read: 6) will compete over the Internets in Metroid Prime: Hunters. And I'm signed up.
Granted, I can only see statistics for Brin and Seth, but it looks like I've easily got the most online experience of the group. I hope to parlay this into THE CRUSHING DEFEAT OF MY OPPONENTS. With that said, I'm not above jotting down a few observations that might help even the playing field.
It may make newcomers feel better to know that Nintendo's ranking system is pretty easily manipulated. The overall ranking at Nintendowifi.com is basically a measure of your time spent online, and doesn't decrease with losses (although it may with disconnects). So while I'm ranked in the top 3000, that just means that I've played online more than most. Playing against friends and rivals still counts for points--so being better than your friends list is a good way to rank high on the consecutive kills or win percentages. Basically, as with just about everything in this hobby, it's biased towards spoiled 12-year-olds. We should probably be used to that by now.