Found a solution to the server move that nuked Mile Zero a few months back. Turns out that the tar command preserves filestamps, which makes sense, seeing as how it dates back to the days of tape backup. An archiver that actually archives file information! Who knew?
Of course, I wouldn't need to know this if the server admin had used a .tar to transfer the files to the new server in the first place. I really hope there was a good reason that they used the regular copy command, since almost every page I've read includes a note along the following lines:
Tar is a great way to copy directories recursively.
Because that might as well just continue:
Especially on Thomas's server, so he doesn't spend three weeks fixing the dates on something like 400 files.