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June 24, 2010

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

A Series of Increasingly Unlikely Apologies

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the users of NPR's Android application, whose playlists crashed after last week's update. That was my fault--I wrote a 2 where there should have been a 3, or maybe a < where there should have been a <=. Either way, I'm sorry I broke your application, and a fix is on the way.

I'd also like to apologize to baby freezes. Lately I have been leaving them out of my breaking runs, and if they had feelings, I bet they'd be hurt. But I can explain! See, if you mess up a shoulder freeze (the only other footwork freeze I know), it's an big, dramatic mistake. It looks difficult--you're balancing upside-down on your shoulder! In theory, you're not supposed to get credit for tough moves you don't land, but I find that people (particularly non-dancers) can respect them. Whereas, if you mess up a baby freeze, it just looks like you curled up in a ball and fell over. From a risk management perspective, it's a no brainer. Sorry, baby freezes.

While I'm at it, I'd like to apologize to Stieg Larsson, whose book "The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest" I was unable to finish because there's only so much Swedish hospital intrigue a man can take. Also, there are about 700 billion characters, and they all have ridiculous Swedish names like Torsten Edklinth and Gunnar Bjork (only with an umlaut, a punctuation mark that I find personally offensive and for which I will not bother to look up the HTML entity, no matter what the New Yorker says). Unfortunately, Mr. Larsson is deceased, and cannot accept my apologies, but that's never stopped me before.

Finally, I'd like to apologize to the general public for the Twilight series, both the books and the movies. I'm not responsible for them in any way, of course. But someone needs to apologize, and nobody actually involved with the production of these glitter-drenched grotesques seems likely to do so. It might as well be me.

September 25, 2008

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

Of Two Minds

The designers at work like this one.

June 2, 2008

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

A List of Things I Would Not Expect To Find in The Breakroom With A Note Offering Them To Employees, But Have Nevertheless Found There

  1. Ribs.

May 9, 2008

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

The LOLCats of Congress

My office in-jokes, let me show you them.

True story: during a game of Taboo at a party the other week, I actually got Belle to correctly guess a word using "My blanks, let me show you them." We are dorks.

January 14, 2008

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

Look Upon My Works, Ye Mighty

The category "comedy_and_tragedy" has never seemed so perfect as it does now: presenting the Despair.com DIY Demotivator.

April 29, 2007

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

Yippee-ki-yay

For my mom.

October 19, 2006

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

On Notice

March 15, 2006

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

I'm not so sure about this plan

Bumper sticker on a gold Toyota this morning:

Keep America beautiful
Import Lithuanians

March 5, 2006

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

The Communist Party Never Stops

April 11, 2005

Filed under: random»comedy_and_tragedy

Best. Warning. Ever.

From an A&W Cream Soda, 20oz plastic bottle (emphasis mine):

WARNING: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. CAP MAY BLOW OFF CAUSING EYE OR OTHER SERIOUS INJURY. POINT AWAY FROM FACE AND PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY WHILE OPENING.

I don't know about you, but it makes me want to go shake up some cream soda.

Future - Present - Past